Today was definitely a lot different than last weekend. We had to watch Alex beating himself up, bite, scream, and generally have a rough time. And every time it seemed we’d figured out what he needed to be happy, it turned out to be a short-term solution. The shower helped… for about half an hour. Food helped for a few minutes. Water helped for a few minutes.
To be fair, we got about a 50/50 mix of happy and sad today, but we ended with Alex very unhappy. Ending on a bad note means he probably continued to be unhappy after we left, and the fact that he started out so happy makes it feel as though we failed him in some way we just couldn’t manage to figure out.
The worst part of all was that I offered him hash mixed with coconut oil like we had done last week. Early in the visit, we saw the same kind of mood that we have seen so many times before — happy for now, but maybe not for much longer. We made the decision to offer him his hash because as I’ve said before, the worst-case scenario with giving him cannabis is that it won’t do anything noticeable.
The problem is that he wouldn’t take it. When he was happy, he wouldn’t take it. When he started to get a bit aggravated, he still wouldn’t take it. When he was raging, he wouldn’t take it.
I can’t force him to eat the hash. If I try he’ll likely just spit it out anyway. So I just sat there and watched Alex go from happy to raging.
Scratch that. The worst part isn’t that we offered him the hash. It isn’t even that he refused it. The worst part is that we didn’t even think to bring him something that would help coax him into taking it. A milkshake, some candy, a burger, …. We just didn’t think about bringing him a treat, and more often than not that’s the catalyst for convincing him to take his “special medicine”. If only we’d done that, maybe his day would have turned out differently.